After taking a break to celebrate America and the Fourth of July (though, what is more American than The Bachelorette?), we returned to Rachel’s saga Monday night. And after last episode’s six-man slaughter, there are only six guys remaining and they meet our girl in Geneva — the Swiss capital of falling in love.
Rachel informs the guys that there will be three one-on-ones and one three-on-one. A THREE-ON-ONE. Adam and Matt both really want one-on-ones, but that’s laughable because we had to look up who Matt was. But it doesn’t matter because Bryan locks in one of those one-on-one dates, so the odds are less in their favor than ever.
Fast cars, fast love
Rachel takes Bryan on a luxurious date where he gets to drive a Bentley. The lavishness continues at a watch store which is a thinly veiled promo for Breitling watches, but if you’re snagging one, who’s going to complain? Rachel locks in two watches and Bryan loses his mind.
They take a boat ride and Rachel admits that even though she hasn’t said she’s not in love with Bryan, she is okay with the concept. THAT IS CALLED PROGRESS. Confused how someone so great could still be single, she dives in for more information, which is when he reveals his last relationship went too hard, too fast... like this current situation. She broke up with him because of his mom (for very vague reasons—prep yourself for Hometowns, y’all). Rachel isn’t fazed though — he gets the rose.
Dean’s emotional journey
Back at the Geneva holding cell/resort, the other guys are annoyed — especially Dean, who is in full “baby bro mode” as he complains about Bryan’s ripe age of 37. Dean gets his one-on-one opportunity, but it puts him in as much of a tail spin as it does celebration because he’s not sure about bringing Rachel home yet. Yikes.
Dean gets dressed up and meets our girl to go to FRENCH church. It’s tres fancy. That’s very fancy in French. Rachel thinks it’s a good way to see how Dean sees tradition, but that’s the whole issue here — Dean’s terror is because his family isn’t traditional at all. When she presses him for more information, he folds and asks “What’s your favorite dinosaur?” It’s not doing that whole age difference any favors.
She calls him out for things being off, and Dean admits that he agrees. So he finally explains he wishes he had a better family situation to show her because he sees his as broken. That openness pays off because Rachel wants to meet his family, as they are, and gives him the rose.
Peter locks in that last one-on-one, leaving Eric and those other two guys for a three on one. As for Peter, he and Rachel are going dogsledding, and it’s perfect. But when they’re alone, Peter reveals that he’s considered leaving on the hard days, but he stayed because Rachel is Rachel, you know? So they snow snuggle, as lovers do, and celebrate overcoming obstacles.
At dinner, he opens up and is very honest — about his dating history, specifically with black women (none), and his reservations about popping that final question. The honesty is refreshing, but very raw. Even with the risk, Peter gets the rose and all is good in the world.
Eric’s game to lose
So here we are, with Eric and Mark and Arnold. Oh, it’s Matt and Adam? Our bad. It’s just a testament to how strangely unequal this date is. The trio plus Rachel head off to France in a boat, and it seems like a blast, but two men are going home. Adam feels vaguely comfortable because of the strength of their relationship (OH OKAY), but Eric leans in and tells her that something has absolutely changed within him.
So that leaves Matt. Poor, sweet Matt. Rachel lets him go, and his sweet spotlight moment makes you wish he were more of a contender. And speaking of could’ve-been-contenders, we have Adam who is falling, nay, FALLEN for Rachel. But it’s Eric and his unabashed vulnerability that takes that final rose, and it’s not an easy blow for precious Adam.
So there we have it, so let’s rank these guys—Twitter style, 140 characters or less:
1. Peter is our world and definitely long game. Tooth gap respects tooth gap and this is your winner. Pay attention, y'all.
2. Bryan, in all his loud kissing glory, is most charismatic, but his inevitable fiery hometown will hold him back. Bryan is second best.
3. Eric has been pulling the bottom for some time, and it's unfortunate because Eric is great, but he's third at best. Too eager, too fast.
4. Baby muffin Dean. A sweet boy with a beautiful heart but his maturity isn't quite there. We root for Dean, but hard to give him the top prize.