GRAND RAPIDS, MICH. - The New Year is here and with it many people hope for a new life together as a couple. Restoring what was once fulfilling or reinventing what was never right is often the mission of couples seeking the help of a therapist in January. New Years resolutions aren't just for weight control, financial goals or professional advancements," Ms. Remi Spicer tells us. "As a therapist working with couples for over 20 years, there are many things that could contribute to the dismantle of closeness, warmth and the hope for a future, but these three are known predictors of dissatisfaction and divorce:"
1.) Reacting, instead of Responding and
2.). Men's inability to handle negative feedback.
We talked about the first two in our last segment. Today we will look at #3: That is, what happens when a couple is unable to negotiate a sex life.
Ms Spicer notes that there are research studies from Major Universities that "have found that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. And the general rule is: If one person thinks there's a problem...there's a problem! And it must be addressed."
1.) Make and protect time for physical connection- from going to bed early enough to emotionally talk and connect in each other's arms to scheduling consistent sexually intimate time
2.). Don't just put effort in to achieving orgasm, but rather, focus on relaxation and pleasure. Massage, hot tubs, baths, working out together and variety of body soothing and body focused "life" often gets lost for couples post falling in love
2.) Learn to work WITH whatever dysfunctions may be challenging (erectile dysfunction, difficulty achieving orgasm, etc.). Anxiety over performance is a real problem for many American couples. Women if you have trouble being orgasmic then you may need to sexually prepare longer than he anticipates.
3.) Increase your openness - if fear has been preventing you from sharing fantasies or turn offs- avoidance won't make it better. Couples need to be able to communicate and be lovingly transparent for a marriage to be successful and satisfying.
To find out more about this topic or get in contact with Ms. Spicer, visit http://www.counselinginholland.com or contact her directly at 616-617-1188.
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