(WZZM) - In this new world of social media, many of us feel more connected to family and friends. You can share pictures find old high school friends and even tweet the arrival of your first child.
But what is it doing to our ability to develop new intimate relationships? The dating world has changed a lot when it comes to how Facebook and Twitter and texting have impacted they way we make that intimate connection with someone.
Some may argue that texting "XOXO" has replaced public displays of affection. Walking up and asking someone out that you find attractive has become old fashioned.
"You can either find me on Facebook or text me," says Natasha Kahn, who is a junior at Grand Valley State University. She says she would never go out to dinner with someone she just met. "That's like taking the next step. The first step is texting for a little while, then Facebook chatting and then it's like 'hey, you want to go get dinner?' That's later."
After a few dinner dates, that's when it's time for the big question "I guess you just have to sort of talk to the person, I mean you literally talk to them, and say should we make it official on Facebook? That's a legit conversation that you have with somebody. A lot of people believe that if you're not Facebook official, no one knows about you. You're not official."
For their entire life, most young adults have used computers, instant messaging and Facebook as a way to communicate. "You have time to think about what you are going to say before you say it and plan out how you want to portray yourself," says Grand Valley State sophomore Tricia Haggerty.
In a way social media is sort of like wearing a bike helmet. Haggerty says it helps to soften the blow should you get rejected. "You have a better chance of not being embarrassed or as hurt if you are doing it over the internet," she explains. "Especially if they reject you. Ugh. It's so much easier to just type it."
Unfortunately, according to psychologist Remi Rakipi of Rivertown Counseling, that's the experience you need in order to find the intimacy you're looking for. "Intimacy again is built on experiences with people, not just sharing thoughts and words, but on experiences," said Rakipi.
Rakipi says she's seeing an increase in clients who are using social media when dating. "I think there are some people who maybe have histories of hurtful relationships or relationship failures who don't have self confidence. I think they can use the Facebooking or the online stuff as really a kind of safety barrier for them."
But Rakipi says that can lead you down a path that may not get you what you want. "You have all these psychological letters back and forth, but they don't really know whether or not there's chemistry there with the other person."
And can also lead to TMI --- too much information. "I can't tell you how many clients I have that come in and they are in this big dramatic mess because they've gone ahead and told all their deepest darkest thoughts to somebody," says Rakipi.
And what happens when the relationship ends? Social media plays a role in that too.
"If you break up, everybody knows. So you not only have to deal with the pain of the break up, but you have to deal with everybody else knowing that you broke up," says Kahn.
And many times that break up isn't even done in person. We found a lot of WZZM 13 friends on our Facebook and Twitter accounts with stories about relationships ending over social media.
But as devastating as that sounds Rapiki says using social media to date can be helpful. "I think that it's a good way to make that initial connection and to sort out whether or not somebody might have a similar lifestyle to them."
In fact you may end up connecting with someone you never would have found otherwise.
In your voice
