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Beyonce will perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLVII. Here's how we think her performance will go:

Halftime. The Baltimore Ravens or San Francisco 49ers lead in a game you'll probably forget about by Valentine's Day. No matter. You're here for the commercials and possible wardrobe malfunctions.

It's dark at the Superdome. The suspense is too much for no one. After a brief moment, the song Countdown comes on the speakers. Fans in the stands will hold up the corresponding numbers as Beyonce counts down. Some of them have a Pepsi logo subconsciously displayed on them, which should serve as a reminder to get another beer.

Beyonce will appear on stage. She'll survey her domain before singing. The pause won't be Michael Jackson at Super Bowl XXVII long, but enough to bask in the non-judging adoration and to set the tone for the blaring horns of the Crazy In Love intro. Beyonce will strut across the stage and, whatever you think of her music, you'll be happy that this isn't the Black Eyed Peas.

She'll sing a verse or two. Jay-Z may appear, he may not. I think he won't because he's holding out for the gig at next year's Super Bowl in New York (Alicia Keys will join him for Empire State of Mind to close and it'll bring down the house -- the house being the 3,000 people still in the stands and not burning cars in the parking lot to warm up).

As Crazy in Love fades into the next song, Beyonce will cheekily reference her inauguration lip syncing controversy. An audio track playing in the Superdome will skip, a la Milli Vanilli, and bloggers worldwide will start furiously typing with visions of page views dancing in their heads. Then Beyonce will smirk, make the universal "cut it" sign and hit an acapella high note that leads into the next track. Foiled again, losers!

Singing live will be a theme during Bey's show. Expect to hear more out-of-breath panting than usual. It's the only way the conspiracy theorists will know she's performing live. For what it's worth, I don't understand the dust-up over lip syncing. It's hard to sing in the cold and it's harder to sing when you're trying to keep up with lithe backup dancers. Look at them! You're going to stay in tune while gyrating like that?

After the second song -- something slower that showcases her voice -- Destiny's Child will reunite on stage and you'll be told to think this is an event on par with the Beatles playing atop Apple headquarters. The momentary diversion caused by the long-awaited arrival of Michelle Williams will give Beyonce time to make a costume change. The group will open with their 2001 hit Survivor because that opening riff is catchy, memorable and doesn't contain a sample they'd have to pay for. If Jim Nantz were narrating, he'd be sure to mention that the CBS hit Survivor debuts in less than two weeks.

Somewhere, the Disposable Children that were kicked out of the group in the late-90s will feel the sting all over again when Kelly Rowland sings the "I'm not going to diss you on the Internet" line.

At this point, someone at your Super Bowl party will predict Destiny's Child will play No Scrubs before being reminded that TLC sang that song. "They should play it anyway," he'll say in an attempt to cover himself.

What comes next for DC? If this were a sampling of the group's most memorable songs, Bootylicious would be a natural fit. Will they sing it?


Pros: Opportunity to bring out Stevie Nicks to play the guitar riff, it's an awesome song.

Cons: Beyonce is a serious artiste now. Songs about jelly readiness may not mesh with her new image as an Obama hobnobber.

The rumor is that they'll play Bills, Bills, Bills with its timeless message of women needing men to pay their debts. Empowerment, 1998 style! Is this song too outdated? Or does it hit too close to home, what with Jay-Z often maxing out Beyonce's cell phone minutes and asking to borrow her car?

Destiny's Child will finish with its new song because what is the Super Bowl if not a promotional vehicle for mediocre comeback albums and profitable comeback tours? That song will mercifully conclude and Beyonce will send the other children packing. Do you really think she's going to end the biggest performance of her career with Michelle Williams standing next to her? Did Paul McCartney bring out Ringo's son?

For the solo finish, Beyonce may go with a sneak peek of her new song. Maybe she'll bring out Jay-Z to revisit Crazy In Love and the show will end with a "to be continued" sign. Or maybe she'll end on Single Ladies and, at the very finish, slip a Super Bowl ring on her fourth finger. And Nantz will welcome viewers back to the second half with the line, "the Ravens and Niners will see whether they can put a ring on it, next."

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