With over 15 years of experience, Marriage Therapist Remi Spicer states, "Valentine's Day is a wonderful excuse to pause a take a relationship reading. Think of all the dimensions of your relationship - intellectual, social, spiritual, emotional, and physical and draw them out like Wheel (a pie graph). Are your pie pieces equal or are there certain areas that need attention? All of these areas are interconnected and contribute to relationship satisfaction."

Remi recommends making an. "Ideal Wheel" individually. "Draw it out. What would you ideal relationship look like on all dimensions? What would you be doing more of or less of?"

Remi asks viewers to think about what constitutes success in terms of Romance. "Which slices of your Wheel need attention to for you to feel like you have a Great Romance? A great romance is defined differently for different people. Couples do well to talk about their relationship "vision" for that reason, especially in the area of romance. If you do not tend to your garden, it may survive but it won't be lush, and since most people form pairings because of their romance it makes all the sense in the world to nurture it."


Remi says, "The Successful Couples I have worked with over the past 15 years have taught me that these things help:"

1.). Define Romantic Success and talk about it together. If discussing this leads to conflict, get help from a trained professional.
2.). If things are basically good, what would it take to make them Great or what is important to sustain Great. (Which area of the 5 needs nutrients/ improvement from your standpoint.). This sounds simple but it is actually quite complicated. Asking your partner what you could do to improve your "game" is a very vulnerable question but happy couples ask on a regular basis "are you happy?" And sex/romantic life is not excluded.
3.). Go to bed together every night, reserving time for talk and touch. Don't go to bed at the point of exhaustion. Great relationships don't squeeze out the last drop of energy or attention after dedicating it to other people and endeavors all day. They reserve some for the most important people, those at home.
4.). Spend free time together without talking about problems.
5.). Challenge yourself to do better. Commit to spending the next 30 days tending to your senses (sensuality), dedicating efforts to pleasure, one sense a day. Do not tell your partner what you did, unless asked, some mystery and privacy is exciting.
6.). Schedule time specifically for giving physical pleasure. You do not have to tell your partner you scheduled it if you or they find it too dry and dull. This helps with arousal and arousal is the Appetizer for sex.

If you would like to talk to Remi about more information on this topic or to schedule an appointment with a Relationship Expert, please call 616-990-4400 or email