Sex addicts - as similar to other addicts (alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc.) engage in behavior patterns that are creating relationship or other serious legal, professional, or financial problems. Despite all of the consequences, people with sex addictions are not able or willing to stop acting out. This can be very distressing, distracting, and exhausting to live with and if untreated these issues and the toll they take only get worse.
I get many calls every week from women concerned that their partner is a sex addict. I also get calls from women describing having found themselves in relationship with someone who is abusive but that they feel they can't leave. Typically the sexual aspect of their relationship has been over-valued. In a healthy relationship, sex does not create or sustain alone a bond - but rather is is affirming of the bond formed outside of the bedroom.
Key Concept: Sex is not to be misused. Sex is meant to be life affirming, increasing love that already exists. When a person "uses" sex to cope with feelings such as shame, depression, anxiety, or when they use sex TO feel feelings like power or (reassurance about) love , it is being misused.
Key Concept: Get off the Wrong Path Now, NOT Tomorrow!
If sexual behavior is creating issues in your life, start your sobriety today. One thing that is helpful to gain clarity is to make a list of Red light, Yellow light, Green light behaviors.
Red Light: Stop behaviors
Yellow Light: Proceed with Caution behaviors
Green Light: Go behaviors / Behaviors that are healthy & supportive of sobriety
A qualified therapist can help you assess the degree of your personal or relationship problems and help you develop an effective strategy for moving forward and living free from addictions and dysfunctions.
Are you wondering if you are a sex addict? You can take a confidential screening test by clicking on this link:
Do you seem to attract and stay in destructive relationships? Here is a screening test to help you assess the degree to which you are engaging in self-sabotaging and co-dependent behavior:
For a list of preferred reading on this topic, visit:
Remi Spicer, LMSW
Great Lakes Counseling Services
Holland: 312 Douglas
Grandville: 2675 44th St SW
Great Lakes Counseling: Therapy for What's Next