GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - The holiday season is a time for celebration and family. But, it can also be a difficult time for those dealing with divorce - especially dads.
With roughly half of U.S. marriages ending in divorce, many fathers are feeling anything but festive, right now. From the thought of missing out on seeing the kids on Christmas morning, to the guilt of having their kids grow up in a broken home, the season is rife with with loneliness and sadness for some men.
"They are trained to be macho and strong and not feel pain or hurt," said Stacey Baker, the director of Alpha Men's Center of Grand Rapids. "There is a sense of separation with the mom and dad and the children are caught in the middle."
Baker says those men don't have to suffer in silence and there are steps they can take to hold onto some holiday cheer.
"The first thing I'd say is the dad must recognize the decisions he makes must, first, be in the best interest of the children," he said.
"Those children have to know that dad is for me - dad is genuinely for me. And, I think if he begins to head down that road things will begin to become a little easier for him," continued Baker. "But, when dad gets an opportunity to be with his kids, I would suggest be present in the moment."
Baker said he'd also encourage divorced dads to resist the temptation to overcompensate or compete with mom by lavishing children with gifts.
"It is not about winning. It is about serving and in this sense it is serving the children," he said.
Baker also suggests that divorced dads find ways to create special moments and traditions when he does have the kids. When he doesn't have them, Baker said he should visit friends, volunteer or do anything that allows him to engage in some other type of human connection.
"Here at the men's center we give them the opportunity to have a coach and mentor. We've discovered one thing that helps is for men to connect with a coach and to have an opportunity to share and uncover and un-bottle all those issues, challenges, concerns and thoughts," said Baker.
He admits it is a process. But, says over time these steps will make the holidays a little better for families dealing with divorce.
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