"My personal life became a chaotic mess. I was carrying gobs of baggage."
That was just the beginning of the story. Free Beer & Hot Wings host Joe Gassmann returned to the air during the show's 8 a.m. hour on Thursday, May 24.
Gassmann had been suspended from the program following an arrest for domestic battery in March. However, his hours-long story started by Gassmann describing his divorce from his wife of four years.
"I blew up our marriage," he said. "I was a bad husband. I was someone I didn't like and I didn't want to deal with who I'd become so I essentially just walked away."
Gassmann said he was pushing everyone out of his personal life.
"If I didn't want to deal with something, I would just push it down. It had been so long since I had cried about anything in my personal life."
He and his wife went to marriage counseling, but he admitted he wasn't trying. That's when he met a new girlfriend, Ashley. She had also been going through relationship troubles and felt he could confide in her. He also turned to alcohol.
"We were starting to drink earlier and earlier -- daily," he said. "I always thought it was a problem, but manageable."
Gassmann said drinking became more important to him than the things he used to love, like rock climbing and cycling. He said if he was biking, it was because he was biking to a bar or because he was too drunk to drive.
"It just seemed like a matter of time with the amount of alcohol we were consuming," he said. "We started getting in these stupid drunken arguments."
Gassmann has also been seeing a therapist, but he says he was "sugar coating" his story because he felt ashamed.
Gassmann drove to the Chicago area, where he's from, to see his family during St. Patrick's Day weekend. He invited Ashley to meet his family and afterwards, Joe and Ashley went to a bar.
Later the two of them went back to their hotel and Gassmann fell asleep. Ashley woke Joe up, holding his phone, to confront him about a girl she thought, at the time, Gassmann had been seeing on the side. That led to a screaming match. Ashley threw Gassmann's phone off the balcony, five stories down, and then went for his laptop to do the same thing. Gassmann tackled her onto the balcony to try to prevent that from happening.
"What's going on? What just happened in my life?" he asked himself as Ashley left the room.
Gassmann called the front desk to make a police report, but the police had already been called. Both Gassmann and Ashley were interviewed.
"There was no part of me that thought they were going to come back in and arrest me," he said. "But that's what happened. They said 'she's got scrapes on her. She's got bruises. You're going to jail.'"
Ashley sent a statement to the Free Beer & Hot Wings show, saying she did not want Gassmann to go to jail. She did not want to press charges. However, because of Illinois law, when police are called during a domestic incident, someone has to go to jail and police decide who that is.
Full statement from Ashley:
I am grateful that I have finally been given a voice. It’s been incredibly challenging waiting for today to speak in my own words as the alleged “victim” in this matter. The first thing I want to say is that I respect the work of law enforcement, the due diligence that is carried out during the process. It’s not a secret that the legal system can take some time. Although we were all waiting anxiously on the side lines for this day to come as I feel that I have been spoken for up until now. I think I speak for everyone when I say that the job they do is important and I never want to minimize that. What has been so challenging is sitting on the sidelines while Joe has been made guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion. What makes the legal system successful in this matter is that the outcome states what I’ve been hoping for all along - that Joe is found not guilty because Joe is not guilty of the accusations made against him. Joe is not an abuser. Joe is not abusive. Joe isn’t a “wife beater” or any variation of sort. Quite the opposite. Writing this is difficult because I fear that someone will hear this and think that Joe made me write this, or I did this as a favor or even that I was even paid off to do so. This is important for me to say in my own words, my relationship with Joe and for my family and friends as well. I want anyone who is reading this or listening to this to allow me to be the voice for myself finally.
The night of the arrest I asked the police not to arrest Joe. The word for word response I received was “that is not your call.” While Joe was in treatment I was at home calling and interviewing lawyers. Joe was originally okay with his public defender. I wouldn’t allow it. I begged Joe to let me hire a lawyer for him (knowing he is perfectly capable of hiring one himself) I just couldn’t leave anything to chance, someone else’s interpretation or roll the dice in that way. Joe was the person taking the fall for these events and I was home trying to “fix it” any way I could. None of this is or was “fair” to Joe, but it is what happened.
I couldn’t be happier with the outcome of this matter. It is unfortunate that this matter happened altogether but at this point the relief of having the case dismissed is enormous. The case wasn’t dismissed because I didn’t show up, and that alone. This was intentional. I reached out to the prosecuting attorneys and I told them that I wouldn’t be participating in the case, I begged them to drop the charges. I told them I wasn’t a victim of domestic violence. I told them Joe is a wonderful man and partner to me and that this has become a giant misunderstanding. I am taking complete responsibility for the events that transpired that night. The prosecutors told me that if I wanted the case dismissed that is exactly what they would do. I knew this would be the outcome for a long time, but we had to wait for it to play out. I thought it was important that it came from me that it wasn’t simply that I missed court or avoided it. This was the only fair and just outcome at this point. For Joe to be on trail and for me not to be was not just in anyway. I am as much responsible for what transpired if not more, and I haven’t had an outlet until now.
The night of St. Patricks Day has made a lot of things come to light. This entire situation has been the best thing and the worst thing to happen to me personally and I think especially for our relationship. I think Joe and I are in agreement when we say that we wish it never happened at all, but we aren’t naive to think something awful wouldn’t have at some point the way we were drinking in such a destructive way. This was our rock bottom. This was a pivot point in both of our lives as individuals. This was our boil over point. This was the catalyst to real change in so many ways within both of us and our relationship. I hate to say it, but this has motivated us to both change drastically in habits, behavior and how we intend on moving forward together and what we expect of each other. We are both committed to sobriety, being vulnerable to our loved ones and accepting the support we have as we move forward into the next chapter of our lives. I am so grateful we can finally put this to bed and move forward together. I love Joe, he is my favorite human being, my best friend and the most special person to me. He deserves all the support and love in the world and I am so happy to see that finally happening.
- Ashley
Ashley then reached out to the prosecutor's office, told them that she was not the victim of domestic violence, and that she would not appear in court, which led to charges against Gassman being dropped.
Gassmann has since sought treatment for alcohol abuse. He said he completed a treatment program and now attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings weekly.
The Free Beer and Hot Wings Show streamed the entire segment on their Facebook page. You can watch it below or by clicking here.
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